Enlightenment and the Ego

I had been introduced to Swami Kaivalianda by a fellow Aussie and as a prerequisite to becoming his student, I diligently wrote him aerogram letters (no e:mail on the banks of the mighty Ganga in those days) for two years, before being invited to study with him.

Swami invited only one or two students per year, always westerners and not until he had thoroughly "cased us out" as being diligent and serious neophytes. He lived with his scruffy but faithful dog, in a very basic adobe hut close to the banks of the Ganges River near Rishikesh in Utter Pradesh State. He was a simple man, wore no saffron robes or showed any outward appearance that would give a hint of his wisdom and furthermore, was totally detached from the numerous ashrams that are widespread around the area. In fact, he was often critical of the so-called gurus who would strut around Rishikesh with a band of adoring; awe-struck students at their heels.

Swami's training and evolvement was passed down the hard way from his guru, who was well versed in Vedanta and the Upanishads and it was from these that I took my twice daily lessons.

When Swami was in "teaching" mode, he transformed from a somewhat bizarre, non-conforming and sometimes agitated human, into the most highly evolved being I had ever encountered. I use the past tense as he left his body in October of 2005.

When he was in "normal" mode, Swami would swear like a trooper, curse the government and all their asinine regulations and criticize the ego-driven gurus who were all too quick to relieve naive and wide-eyed seekers of their hard earned dollars. It was like living with the original Jekyll and Hyde!! At the conclusion of my lessons and the bombardment of my ego, I would take refuge in long walks in the Himalayan foothills or bathe in the icy cold waters of the Ganga. Only Mother Nature could comfort this battered ego, but I stuck with it, being of service to Swami and a committed student.

In hindsight, it could be said that he was acting out the ways of the ego, as that was the exact thing he was tackling within me. He constantly rubbed my nose into the ego's fears and desires, reminding me with every question or opinion of where my thinking was coming from and verbally forcing me to re-evaluate my perspective and look at things from an enlightened point of view. Backwards and forwards between ego and the teachings, ego and Authentic Self, tirelessly, relentlessly beating down the former and permitting the inner light to shine through.

It was the toughest thing I had ever endured, tougher than a year in the Vietnam War and witnessing man's inhumanity to man, tougher than any inner work I had experienced previously.

When the time came, Swami passed on "transmission" and I experienced first hand the wonder of Oneness. The physical universe dissolved and I felt untold bliss and stillness. It was a major catalyst in my life, the effects of which are still felt to this day. Swami refused to receive my hug of gratitude and love and I was taken aback, until I realized he did not want to be assigned the Source for this remarkable event, but that he was merely a Messenger. Such was his humility when in the "teaching" mode.

Sometimes I wonder if Swami was living two lives. Is it possible to be an enlightened being and still live in the grips of the ego? Is it possible to move aside the ego temporarily and dwell in the realm of a highly evolved being, a great teacher, a guru, an enlightened soul? Do we not see elements of this schizophrenia in our own lives and those of others?

To me it reinforces the need to take our enhanced states of consciousness that we have evolved into and apply them daily, (no, make that moment-by-moment) into our lives. Living, breathing, thinking, saying and doing enlightened actions in every moment.

I would be happy to hear what other Zaadzters have to say about this and welcome any comments.

Namaste,

Rick